Bartending in Vietnam

Freaking awesome! Yes, I was drunk (can't you tell by my eyes?) but the drinks still came out delicious. But I won't be bartending drunk again, my moves were way too slow. But I was behind the stick in Vietnam on Australia Day! How cool is THAT?! It's not often a guy is able to make money from his hobby. I think I'm very lucky.

From Laos, With Love

Hanoi, Vietnam

We're off to Laos in five hours! Woot! Drew's sad that we're leaving Vietnam, he's loved the shit out of it over here. I've had a mildly uncomfortable tingling in the back of my mind the entire time we've been here, and I'm yet to fathom why. When I have a few hours of contemplation and end up with an answer, I'll let ya'll know.

The last few days we've been out and about in Hanoi, and we did some cultural sight seeing yesterday. Drew will have to update you on those, since aside from seeing the distinctly wax-like body of Uncle Ho in his mausoleum, I didn't do the cultural things. I've come down with a shockingly bad cold, so I went off in a fogged up haze to find a pharmacy and dope myself up on some flu medication. 3 hours and 3 dollars later, I was a happy camper.

Hanoi is an interesting city, much like all the other cities we've been to. Each has their own character. It's not as busy as Saigon motorbike wise, but there are a lot more beggars/touts and that general miasmatic haze combo of pollution/bad sunlight. The one thing that you can safely say about Vietnam is that it's not a colourful place; they try their best with painting buildings randomly gaudy colours and jazzing up their temples, but in the end the city is just very dull on the eyes. Every morning I wake up, look out the window over the city and in my minds eye compare it to the shiny blue and gold of an Australian beach in the middle of summer...

The tour of Halong Bay was basic, but good. It's surprising how much we miss the water; everytime we go out on a boat, the four of us are like "Ahhhhhhhh..." and we just chill out and relax. The karst formations in the bay were the big hit; there were a lot of them, kinda like mini-islands of rock. We checked out the surprising cave (see the video! Youtube is wonderful).

After the spelunking, we went sea kayaking. I thought it'd be shite, but it was sooo good! We were paddling around towering karsts as the sun was setting, then made our way into a secluded (ie closed off) bay, surrounded on all sides by jungle, cliffs, stone, and silence. It was so quiet in the centre of the lake...damn fine serenity.

Back on the boat at night, we were up on the chilly deck getting our drinkity drink on. We were explaining to Joel, a schoolkid from Sydney out on his first big trip with friends, what a "moment" was. A moment is when you sit back, look around at the big picture, and realise where you are, what you're doing, and how freakin' random/cool it is. That night our moment was on the deck of a boat in the middle of Halong Bay, Vietnam with only the moon and stars above us, listening to quiet music and bits of silence, being with good people, getting your drink on, and just enjoying the whole experience. We've met some people who are always looking for that "one moment" that will make their travel seem significant and worthwhile, and they always miss out on the little moments like that night because they're expecting something big and flashy to take their breath away. If you do that, you're never going to realise all the little moments that you have every day. That's what a moment is kids. Don't miss them.

Last night we said goodbye to Vietnam in true style, by getting absolutely shitcanned. Had dinner, had bia hoi, visited the only jazz club in town and generally had a great time. I got the bartenders to make my new favourite cocktail from Australia Day! The jazz was sweet too, which was a surprise. The keyboarder/pianist was amazingly talented, as were the rest of the house band.

We're flying into Vientiene in Laos from Hanoi airport. This'll be the third time we've caught a plane (Bangkok-Chiang Mai, Singapore-Saigon, Hanoi-Vientiene). And each time it wasn't expected, so the budget is taking a bit of a shelacking. But the cost of the flight isn't just monetary, it's also about time. It'd take us 2 days to get into Laos for US$30 cheaper than it would be to take a flight for 1 1/2 hours. You work that one out.

See you all in Laos! Goodbye bia hoi, our precious little 15 cent beers! We'll miss you!

Edit: Hahaha...forgot to mention; last night at bia hoi, I helped some Vietnamese people move furniture into their apartment on the second floor. We had to get two big cupboards up there, and they wouldn't fit up the stairs. How did we do it? We all stood under it, lifted it above our heads, and the people on the second level grabbed it and levered it over. So damn random, and apparently there was one point where I was standing under the damn thing and it was swaying like a drunk man cos the people on the second floor were losing their grip. If it had dropped, I woulda been a bit el squisho'd. But I survived! It was so random, and fun! I felt very manly helping lift things.

Australia Day

Hanoi, Vietnam


Ahhh Australia Day. Adam and the girls are massively hungover at the moment, while I'm only suffering from a headache (BOOYAH!!) so I thought I'd smash out just what we got up to yesterday. I'm sure Adam will add his own thoughts later and we'll throw the pics up when we get a chance.

My thoughts will appear like this. It's also an analogy of how my head feels...very fuzzy! -Adam

So the whole day kicked off at around 11ish, after a good nights sleep and a leisurely morning. Everyone met up at the wondeful Le PUB and we finally, finally got a nice phat western style breakfast. Chunky bacon, plenty of toast, eggs cooked to perfection. Delish. The bar also had a cruel promotion going whereby every two Tiger beers you ordered you scored a card that could when you a free t-shirt or hat. Adam had already won one simply by being the only person in the bar at 10am drinking and our chum Matt became obessed with acquiring one. After a few beers he got lucky and scored a shirt, thereby making Alli, Jess and myself start smashing down Tigers to also win one. It only took four beers for mine and it's actually quite a nice shirt, so well worth the $8ish I paid in beer for it.

My day actually started at 9am. We organised to meet Matt and Al at the Spotted Cow, but the place doesn't open til 3. So in a genius move I tied a note with the business card for Le Pub stapled to it on the front door. He found it too, you're a genius Adam! You should be a spy. And then I went to Le Pub, had a hearty breakfast (including vegemite on toast! They had VEGEMITE!), and when it was all over I looked at the waiter and nodded. The beer was on it's way. It was time. Australia Day had begun.

While this was going on Adam hiked it down to the local lake. Some random Aussie had let it be known that there would be a gathering there at 12 and Adam was one of the many that answered the call. Being Australians we like beer and being backpackers we like cheap things, so naturally we all got together and hit up the local Bia Hoi places. Bia Hoi for those who don't know are little Vietnamese microbrewies. They make beer fresh everyday and it is 15-20c a glass. Yes 15-20 CENTS, I love this country. Just up from lake is Bia Hoi Junction. There's four Bia Hoi places on each corner. PUB CRAWL. I think the owners of the places just crapped themselves when a hoard of Aussies sat down and start asking for brew. Thus we spent a couple of leisurely hours drinking insanely cheap beer and then moving across the street for more. They even had a local Viet style kebab place. It was 80c for the most delicious kebab I have had in ages.

5 oclock rolls around, "There's an Australian backpackers doing a barbeque" someone says, "hell yes" scream the rest of us, so all 30 of the Horde taxi it to this random place. As we get there it's happy hour so 2-4-1. Mmmm 50c bottled beer and $2 hamburgers. It was a great BBQ, really funny people, everyone mingled and had a good time. The food was fantastic and they had a massive bathtub filled with booze that never ran out. Matt and I went on a rampage and annoyed every woman on the rooftop by calling them a combination of Toots, Shiela, Dahling and Babe. Some loved it, some didn't but whatever, run along baby, man talk. We figured it's Australia day and thus, had to say Strewth, Dahling, CRICKEY and all other weird words that we supposedly use. I also for the first time ever had prawns off the barbeque. How the hell is Australia famous for shrimp BBQs and Fosters when no one actually does it?

Everyone at the Roof top bar seemed to have a voucher for the Dragonfly bar for a free beer or cocktail or something so everyone piled into Taxis except myself and Alli. I flat out refuse to taxi anywhere in Vietnam anymore because it's so bbbbbboorrring compared to flying around on the back of a speeding motorbike. So Alli and I travelled in style, smashing down alleys and through massive intersections screaming out "Xin Chao" at the lights and generally having an exhilarating time.

We packed out the Dragonfly bar and since having our bodies swimming in beer for 10 hours wasn't enough, Matt and I decided to BAM pump it up another notch and hit up the $3.20 cocktails four or five times. The Dragonfly was good but everyone thought it was a night club, not just a nice bar and since we were all craving some dance music we piled out and hit up the hilarious named Funky Monkey bar.

You know what I did at the Dragonfly? They let me get behind the bar and make drinks! Holy shit it was awesome!! I'm in the middle of Vietnam at a random bar making drinks for all my new Aussie friends. I started off with a personal creation, 60ml Bombay Sapphire, 10ml Dry Vermouth, 5ml Campari, and a squeeze of lime. Absolutely delicious. Then I threw out a few Gin and Tonics, a Blue Lagoon, and made us boys some real Mai Tais. Fantastic, so glad they let me do it! I had to leg it once the bar got busy though, which was sad. If I wasn't so drunk at that stage I coulda worked with them a bit more. Note to self: don't bartend drunk.

At Funky Monkey Matt and I continued our cocktail and beer rampage and everybody got with the funk and grooved it up to some so-so beats. At about 2am our poor mate Matt finally couldn't hack the constant dancing, flirting and cocktailing and crashed, almost literally. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to say I matched him cocktail for cocktail and I'm fairly certain I had more beer and he crashed into a druken coma and I had nothing more than a slight headache. I'm actually quite scared at the fact we've had so much beer on this trip that my tolerance is so high that I could have a 14 hour long bender involving numerous litres of beer and about 10 cocktails and come out with nothing but a dry throat and a normal sized headache. Sorry about that I just wanted to talk myself up.

We poured Matt into a taxi and Adam took him home while the girls convinced me that my dancing was "good" and that I should continue funkying the monkey. Eventually we were all together again and had one last beer and group photo before staggering off into the street and home. The only thing that would have made Australia Day in Hanoi better would have been to have more of you guys here. And a meat pie. My craving for a meat pie went unsated and I'm very sad about it.

I completely agree. It would have been so awesome to have you guys here. As I was lying in bed about to pass out I look at Drew and say "Hey man, thanks for today. If I couldn't be at home with all of our friends, I'm glad I'm here with you." And then the moment passed and so did I, literally passing out until someone (ie the girls) banged on our door at 11am. Why? Why would you do that to me?! I finished drinking at 3am! I need beauty sleep!


So there you have it. Our Australia Day novel. Photos are incoming but right now I'm heading off for a shower and 3 or 4 of those kebabs from last night. Mmmmmm hmmmmm. I hope everyone else had a good day.


Chris the bastard sent us a photo of everyone having a ripper time at his Aussie Day party. I sat there for 5 minutes just staring at it and wishing like crazy that we'd been there, but there's a price to pay to see the world. The photo there is Drew, Alli, and Jess, so you can see who we're travelling with. The bloke in the photos above is Matt. Can you see my flag?

As for the Triple J Hottest 100 that I was so damn gungho about listening to, I never found somewhere that could play it. So every fifteen minutes or so (or when I remembered) I dashed off to an internet cafe to check out the live countdown. I'm SO HAPPY that Eskimo Joe didn't get number 1. They came in second to Augie March - One Crowded Hour. A deserving winner! And a sign that the mainstream bands don't always dominate the Js.

Happy Australia Day all!

Drew and Adam

A Moment in Hanoi

Before Adam blogs our Australia Day experiences I just wanted to share with everyone a random moment that I had this morning. I had to grab some more money from an ATM to pay for a tour this morning, so I pile out of the guesthouse, down the little alley we're in and into another alley that is packed with people sitting on steps selling meats and greens.

I walk past the fresh meat stalls and contemplate why we didn't buy some yesterday and have a fry up. I haggle with a store lady for some deoderant and grab some pineapple slices off a lady walking past with those bamboo scale things that the Vietnamese balance on their shoulders. I yell out "Xin Chao" to some kids that are staring at me and they burst into grins, right before I dodge a speeding motorbike weaving his way through. I got about 30 metres and two pineapple peices into the alley before it hit me:

Holy shit I'm in Vietnam/South East Asia. And none of this feels new or odd.

I literally came to a stop and look around at everything again. It's an strange feeling when you realise that it's only been 2 months and I'm so used to something that is so completely different from home. I think I feel some reverse culture shock coming on for when I get home.

Drew

A Farewell To Arms

Hanoi, Vietnam

Finally, a chance to actually do a decent update of the blog. I'm actually kind of disgruntled, because I had this entire thing typed out, images and video loaded and ready to post... and then the computer froze. After a few choice words, you can understand my frustration.

The girls are off shopping, and we're trying to hunt down Matt and Al via email. But on the plus side, I finally have free internet and the time to write a bit more about the places we've been and the things we've done.

Vietnam is a different country from Thailand, and probably my least favourite to have travelled through so far. It's mainly the people and the decor; the people aren't as friendly as the Thais, the place is a lot dirtier and the colours all seem drab and dull. The colours may be a result of the weather which for the last few days has been consistently cloudy, but the place just seems depressed in certain ways. It's an excellent country for history though; the things that have happened here over the past 100 years (and before) really do bring into focus how little actual history our own country has. No wonder they still call Australia a young nation! Vietnam has saving graces though, including it's amazing scenery. Check it out below.

The freakiest thing about Vietnam are those damn motorbikes and scooters zooming all over the place! It's like an alien invasion force has infiltrated the country and are amassing an army to destroy the world via the method of scooter-isation. Check out these two videos to understand the intergalactic dire straits we find ourselves in. Please excuse both the angle and the singing in the second video; I had that damn song stuck in my head all. freakin. day.






Guide to Crossing The Road In Vietnam
Cover your eyes, and step out into traffic. Walk at a consistent pace across the road. The bikes will try to not hit you. You hope. If you make it across, buy a baguette and thank your chosen diety that you survived. Repeat as necessary.

I've added a photo in this post for each city we've gone to, and also slipped a few photos into previous posts. Re-read the blog for some erudite literary prose and fanciful pictograms of a bygone era!

Here's the missing rundowns on the cities we've visited.

Nha Trang
Nha Trang was a lively party town, though it had nothing on the Thailand islands. There was always doof pumping from the Sailing Club down by the beach into the wee small hours, and we know this because the doof vibrated our room. Plus the drunken yobbos hollering up the street at godknowswhat kind of gave the game away. We avoided all that jazz, mainly because it's not our kind of scene.
Drew made friends with a lady from a bar we frequented, and she took him around for two days to show him Vietnam as only a local can. He loved the shit out of it. And no Danny, before you ask there weren't any "physical engagements" involved (or were there?!?! - D), but he did have to pay for petrol. But he really enjoyed the experience, especially zooming around the town on the back of a motorbike. He's a brave, brave man.
While Drew was off galavanting around the countryside, I took a daytrip boat tour of the Nha Trang bay area. It was generally an excuse for a great pissup on the water; island number one was snorkelling and swimming, island two was lunch and free booze, island three was watersports (I WENT PARASAILING WOOOOOOO!!!), and island four was an aquarium. The Australian contingent from our boat decided that the aquarium wasn't for us (we've got the Great Barrier Reef, nothing beats that!) so we stayed on the boat to get our drink on. Wandering up to the upper deck, lo and behold we found the Australian cohorts from all the other tourist boats at the dock! We threw an impromptu party up on the deck for about an hour and had a great time. Alli and Jess both agree with me; it was the best thing we've done so far in Vietnam, and highly recommended to anyone. Especially the Aussies, purely for the beer-related adventures!
That night we took the worst. bus. ride. ever. to Hoi An. Never again will we take a night bus, or a bus longer than 10 hours. It was a nightmare!

Hoi An
Look at that BEARD! It's glorious. We found a place called the Bananaleaf Cafe that not only had great staff, excellent food and a great view, but they also did $5.50 caipiroska buckets. *grin*
The city has a law preventing touts from working the streets, so Hoi An was possibly the most peaceful city we've been in if you exclude the ambitious shop owners trying to get your business (I have absolutely no idea what town Adam is talking about. We had one day of peace and then literally every 10 secs was "hey you want motorbike?" no "hey you want cyclo?" no! "hey, where you from? come see my shop" NO!! - D). It had a great relaxed feel, and it was here that we met the Americans Adam, Rebecca, and Alyce, and another two Aussies Matt and Al.
The lifeblood of the town is that every second store is a tailor or a shoemaker. Being the concerned individuals we are, we had to support the local economy by getting a few items made. We'll see them back in Oz in about 4 months after their perilous journey across the high seas on a cargo ship.
Sadly, Hoi An was also the location where I had the worst day of this entire trip. It started off with waking up at 8am with a hugely foggy head and going with Jess to organise train tickets from Hue to Hanoi. We got shat on with organising the tickets we wanted, the reception lady not comprehending what we were trying to get across, and generally getting fucked around. We ended up paying a lot more than we should have, and I mean a LOT more. Like AUD$30 more. But there comes a point while travelling when you just don't give a shit anymore. It's hard to understand unless you've been constantly subjected day after day after day to touts and pushy locals trying to sell you something and grating on your nerves, and always wondering whether you got ripped off on that item you just bought. Your brain will fry eventually, and mine fried that day at quite possibly the worst time.
But that's life, and these things happen. Every trip has at least one major screwup. In the end I had a cup of tea, calmed down, and we jumped on the bus to...

Hue
We only spent one night in Hue, which was slightly disappointing because there's a lot of history and culinary delights in the town. But the problems with the train shortened our time, so we ended up joining Alli, Jess, Matt, and Al for beers. We ended off our night in Hue on the girl's balcony under an awning, watching the rain fall down and wash away our worries, beer in hand and music softly playing. Good company, and a great view looking out over Hue. Karma says that every bad thing is balanced out with something good, and I firmly believe it.
The morning after, Drew braved the rain to get out and see the Citadel, an old fortress/palace that was apparently very nifty. But we had to go, so we jumped on the 3.20pm train to Hanoi, arriving at 7.30am this morning.

Hanoi
Hanoi is more western than even Saigon, and I'm fairly certain they don't want to admit it. The French influence is immediately apparent, from the fact they actually have bins on the side of the road to the old men wearing berets and all the bakeries and baguettes floating around town. We're heading out tonight to the Spotted Cow to tee up our Australia Day party for tomorrow; we've gathered a brigade of Australians to invade the pub and take over control of their sound system to play the Triple J Hottest 100. Aussie patriotism is alive and well in communist Hanoi! It's going to be a great day with some great people.

We've organised our visas and transport into Laos, and we're also looking at booking a 2 day/1 night tour of Halong Bay, sleeping on the boat and checking out the caves, the islands, swimming and drinking. If it's anything like Nha Trang, it's going to be fantastic.


Happy Australia Day to all of you, especially those of you that are going to Chris's party and engaging in what will be the best damn party in the Southern Hemisphere. We, of course, will be having the best damn party in the Northern Hemisphere! I bought a sew-on Australian flag today that I'll be putting dead centre on my blue chesty bonds singlet. I will wear my flag proudly.

Where will your flag be?

The big dugong is with us all in spirit. Have a great Aussie Day my little dusseldorf!

Timely Entry

Hue, Vietnam

Dude.
It's been too long since I updated the blog! The internet over here is getting worse the further north we go, but we get lucky in a few situations such as this one. We're travelling with Alli and Jess these days, so the four of us have gone from Nha Trang up to Hoi An, and from Hoi An to Hanoi. And from there, Australia Day! It's gonna be great.

Nha Trang was a bit of a party town, but the bus from Nha Trang to Hoi An wasn't overly comfortable. The last night bus ever, I swear! So damn uncomfortable, and sleep wasn't really an option.

In Hoi An we found a few bia hoi places and on the first night met two Americans, Adam and Rebecca. Great talks with those guys! And they gave us the hot tip of buying valium for the train trip, and at AUD$2 for a pack of twelve, it's ridiculously cheap. In Hoi An we also met Matt and Al, two Aussie blokes one from Perth and the other from Melbourne. Great drinking buddies, so our small group of 2 now 4 became a group of 6 or even 8 at some points. Talk about socialising!

It's currently bucketing down in Hue, and Drew braved the weather this morning to go out and see some of the local sights. I stayed in and watched Bush's State of the Union address on BBC World; could he have been any more polite to Congress to get them back on his side? It was amusing at least. He had a lot of information about things other than the Iraq war, but it seems the media only wants to hear warwarwar. Check out the video or a full transcript if you're interested.

We're off to Hanoi now, so I'll do a better update from there.

A Hotel Experience

Nha Trang, Vietnam

I just had the weirdest hotel experience so far on this trip. Everything was fine when we went to bed, but then at 3am a pipe decided to burst in our bathroom, thus beginning the process of flooding the place. I woke up to a sound quite like an airconditioner on full ball, and in my half-asleep state I'm like "WTF is that grumble..." so I get out of bed, and look into the bathroom. I turned the light on, waited for my eyes to adjust, and enjoyed the slightly cooling effect of water spraying my legs.
Took me a little minute to realise that water hitting my legs plus a gushing sound from the bathroom is a BAD thing.

Turns out the bidet (its a hose you use to spray your ass, for the uninitiated) decided to break away from it's pipe wall mounting. I woke Drew up to go find the reception dudes while I tried in vain to figure out how to shut off a pipe with no tap or anything nearby. Turns out there's a wheel set into the wall in a little nook that turns off all the water in the room, but at 3am I wasn't that awake to solve it.

Crisis averted by the friendly staff, we went back to sleep. Woke up at midday (we decided to have a rest day). Drew's gone for a walk, so I take the opportunity to satisfy my morning ablutions and have a shower.

So there I am in my birthday suit, sitting on the ol' thunderbox reading a book and enjoying the quiet when the door swings open and in comes the cleaning lady.

I'm almost positive she loved it, judging by her "Shit oh sorry oh sorry" as she hurriedly scampered out of the room. Shit indeed, cleaning lady! I just got to a good part in the book too! Way to interrupt my meditations.

So that's our day so far. Drew's rented a bike and has gone off in search of artistic treasures, while my pursuits lean more towards going to the beach and drinking margaritas on a deck chair while staring at the ladies. Sometimes I just don't know how I manage to survive this trip, I really don't.

PS: Vote on the Triple J Hottest 100. You know you want to.

Uncle Ho's Victory Garden

Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Vietnam

I thought I'd try a different blogging style for that last post; I had time, I was bored, and I felt like writing. Waiter always inspires me! That crazy kid.

First things first: We fired AK-47s today. Jealous? You should be!
But I'll get to that.

The last couple of days have been slightly lazy; Drew's been getting over his sickness and feeling like ass, and I had something that was making me feel like ass too. I theorised that it was actually our body clocks being way off; the last week we've been staying in rooms that don't have windows to the outside world, so there was no natural light coming in and we were waking up with alarms and not naturally. We'd wake up at 11am and both still feel dead tired, then be ready for bed at like 2pm. So we assumed that our body clocks were shot to hell. We didn't like the place we were staying, so we shuffled to a new joint down the road that has big windows. Best night's sleep ever, and we woke up at a reasonable time feeling refreshed.

Yesterday we cruised the sights of HCMC on foot; visited the Vietnamese version of Notre Dame Cathedral (it's a lot smaller and boring-er than the real thing), the Reunification Palace where the South Vietnamese government held court before they got kicked in the ass, and the War Remnants Museum.

It was an eye opener. History is written by the victor, yet the world only has the view from America of the Vietnam War. The museum gives the Vietnamese view (the actual victors) of the American War, and really brings home what the US did over here to both the land and the people. And how thoroughly they got their asses handed to them, but not without cost to everything in this country. There's people all over the place with deformations, missing limbs, and/or burn scars from the napalm and the defoliants used to destroy the jungle to 'flush out' the VC.

We needed a beer after that, so we settled in for a session at a random cafe/bar in Backpacker Ghetto Central. We chatted to a HOT waitress called Phuong. She's 22, studying English and computing. And SO CUTE! We're going back to visit her tonight.
We've also organised to meet up again with two Aussie chicks we were also chatting to last night, Ali and Jess. Both from Brisbane, which is bloody weird. Ali and I chatted for yonks about music since we have the same tastes. We were amazed that each had heard of the bands the other was yabbering about.

Today we visited the Cu Chi tunnels.
"The tunnels were used by NLF guerrillas as hiding spots during combat, as well as serving as communication and supply routes, hospitals, food and weapon caches and living quarters for numerous guerrilla fighters. The role of the tunnel systems should not be underestimated in its importance to the NLF in resisting American operations and protracting the war, eventually persuading the weary Americans into withdrawal."
Wikipedia says it so well. We crawled/frogmarched through 90metres of tunnel, and saw how damn ingenius the VC were. From the way they camoflaged the entrances, airholes, and chimney vents to the traps they built, you have to give them credit for ingenuity. Very survivalist, and very capable. No wonder they won.
The tunnels were tourist-friendly, concreted with electric lights every couple of metres. It wouldn't surprise me if they were widened so we fair tourists could fit, but apparently they remain at the same size the VC had them at in the 60s. Damn tight fit in some places! The Vietnamese are physically smaller people though, so it'd suit them better.

It was here that we also fired those AK-47s!! :D :D
Drew is a big First Person Shooter game fan, so he loved holding one of the guns he games with. It was just a simple firing range where you pay US$1.30 per bullet. So we bought 10 each, fired five singles and the rest on auto. It was all really old and poorly maintained equipment and bullets, but at least now we can say we've fired an automatic weapon. There was an American dude there going fully gung-ho and shooting all professional like...guess that's part and parcel of a gun loving country, to feed a stereotype.

So now we're off to have a kip before meeting the Aussie chicks again, and we'll be sorting out our transport to Nah Trang tonight. I think it's a 10 hour bus trip for us tomorrow morning, suffering from hangovers. Yippee!

PS: Jono has put our photos of everything up to Singapore onto the Photobucket. Check it out.

Hump Day

Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Vietnam
















"You want book?"

I look up from writing in my journal to see a massive tower of books. Holding this massive tower of books is a little lady no more than five foot high.

I sigh. As astounding as the sight is, it's the fifth interruption from a tout in as many minutes and it's just serving to distract me from finishing this morning's entry.

"No, no books," I say, waving my hand at her in the universal 'No, go away' gesture. Sadly, she doesn't get it until I pull down my mirrored shades and stick my head back into my journal. I finally hear her shuffling off to try her luck with another farang as I go back to putting pen to paper.

The touts in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon to some) are everywhere, and persistent. Just after you finally manage to get rid of the guy trying to sell you a hammock, the next hawker in line comes along trying to sell you sunglasses, cigarettes, newspapers, trinkets, you name it. I guess all this tout-ish attention comes from us having chosen to set up shop in the middle of the tourist ghetto on Pham Ngu Lao. Our bad.

I put down my pen and pick up my beer. I look at it with a sense of happiness; nothing beats a liquid lunch. It's just come on midday, and Drew and I are celebrating Hump Day. Today at midday was the exact middle point of our trip; 5 1/2 weeks down, another 5 1/2 weeks to go. As always, we celebrated in style: beer.

"Cheers buddy. Here's to another five and a half." Drew raises his glass.
"Amen to that brother. And how fitting that we're celebrating with booze..."
I tops-and-bottoms cheers with him, then down some of that sweet golden celebration. Nothing better.

Over the top of my glass I peer down the street at the cyclos, rickshaws, cars, taxis, and pushbikes as they all tear past at breakneck speed. They vanish swiftly a few kilometers down the road, disappearing into the permanent miasmatic haze that infuses the city. You'd be crazy to be a foreigner and try to transport yourself around in SE Asia; the road rules, if any, are known only to a select few, and then slowly passed on by Chinese whispers to the rest of the population. Theoretically, everyone knows the rules, but then they all twist an interpretation onto it. And yet there are hardly any accidents. There must be a magical power protecting these crazy locals.

I take another big swallow from my beer and frown as I reach bottom. Catching the eye of our server, I motion for another beer.
"G'day mate, sure thing mate," he says with a grin. The little bugger figured out we were Australian, and now we're his new best friends. He makes us laugh, so we'll swing him a tip at the end of the session.

Putting my empty on the table, I look back down at my journal. I've managed to drop some condensation from my glass onto the page, and I try to mop it up without smudging my writing. I'm starting to get a headache from the heat, humidity, and noise. The traffic is non-stop, and the noise of bikes and construction is a 24/7 constant. Last night's sleep wasn't a good one.

Drew took it even worse. I look over at him as he rests his head in his hands; he's picked up a bit of a cold, and the lack of decent sleep plus a blocked nose has really slogged him for six. I make a mental note to myself to pick up some cold and flu drugs at a pharmacy while I'm out and about this afternoon. Hopefully he'll be up for tackling the sights and sounds of Ho Chi Minh tomorrow; if not, we'll snuggle him up in bed until our little liebensschnoobel is all better.

Our server comes back and places my new beer in front of me.
"Cheers mate," I say, raising the glass to take in both the server and Drew. I take a mouthful, swallow, and lean back with a sigh of contentment. We're back in the thick of things in Asia with five and a half weeks to go, living life to the full, and drinking beer. I grin.

Nothing better.

The City of Tomorrow

Singapore, Singapore

"Cheap" my right butt cheek! We've spent more money on living expenses in Singapore in the past few days than we have over the past few WEEKS in Thailand and Malaysia. The AUD only gets us SD$1.20, so it's like being back home.

On the plus side, Singapore is the most technologically accepting and innovative city that the world has ever seen. The transport system is smooth, efficient, and organised. Doors swing open automatically as you approach, 80 year old men are using mobile phones on public transport, and everyone has at least two electronic gadgets on them at all times, be it a mobile, mp3 player, PDA, GPS unit, terrorist bomb detector...

The Singaporeans are apparently paranoid about bombs on their public transport, judging by the sheer amount of warning signs and videos showing what to do if a random person leaves a bag on the train. I think it's unjustified to be THAT paranoid, considering to get through airport customs we just showed them a passport and boarding pass and waltzed straight through. No xraying of bags, no bomb sniffer detector machines. The US and Australia have a lot to learn about feeding a culture of fear.

We haven't done much touristy stuff in Singapore due to the cost, but we did go for a wander the other day to try and find Changi Museum. An hour and a half later, drenched to the bone from the pouring rain, we ended up catching a bus. We never would have found the place otherwise!

Singapore, aside from cost, is a great city. It's clean, the people are polite and well-mannered, it's almost like a home away from home. Very 'western' in both style and design, and it's hugely multicultural. They also have this freakishly good education system, considering on almost every other corner out in the suburbs they have either a primary or a high school, and they have FIVE universities / colleges (at last count). The weird thing is though that these tertiary institutions only seem to offer Diplomas, and not Bachelor Degrees. I'm curious as to why?

We're at the airport now, ready to fly off to Vietnam. Jono is about to take his leave of our delightful company and head back to Bangkok, and from there to home. We're gonna miss the big dugong. GROUP HUG!

Time to get a shuffle on. Planes wait for no man (or god-like omnipotent awesome beings, in our particular case). Everyone give Jono cuddles from us when he gets back. And call him German love names like liebenskind and schnufflebubba and stroke his hair. He'll get the joke.

7 Minute Clog Post

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

7 minutes to post about my shoes!

I shit you not, the most awesome shoes ever invented are those plastic clogs you can buy at Target for 15 bucks. These little puppies have served me so damn well over here it's not funny.

From the get go, they've been uber comfy, either with socks or without. They've been through water, walking on the beach, trekking in the mountains, riding on elephants. They're cool, comfy, and are enclosed so I don't have to worry about sunburnt tootsies. Versatile, usable, and just downright uber-awesome. I highly recommend everyone get a pair and try them out.

My shoes have another 40+ days to make it through the rest of SE Asia. I hope they do, but weirdly enough they're available everywhere over here. They're a brand called Crocs, apparently. But screw that, to me they're my favourite plastic clogs. Do yourself a favour and buy a pair today.

PS: We leave for Singapore in three hours on the overnight train. Wish us luck in the shopping capital of the universe!

The Perplexation of Kuala Lumpur

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Ahh, the capital of the galactic universe as we know it. Oh, wait, I'm not in Hollywood! Damn you movie tycoons for destroying my image of the world.

KL is our first big city since Bangkok a month ago. It's kinda weird to see a Starbucks every few streets and a 7-11 on every corner, wake up in the morning to hear the horns of traffic, and have a hot shower (a rare luxury). There's a McDonalds at least once every third block, KFC once every five (they love chicken over here). On the plus side, KL is the home of the world's largest Border's Bookstore. Talk about a bibliophile heaven!

The biggest surprise about KL, however, is the city itself. This morning we went up to the Skybridge between the Petronas Towers (see el photo) and looked out over the city. It confused me at first; there was a sea of green in between all the buildings and roads. What was this?
Jono pointed out that it was something called 'trees'. Greenery? Across an entire capital city? The first perplexation occurred.
The second confounding thing was that the urban landscape of the city just made no sense. Large commercial districts were literally across the road from low income housing. High rises poked up randomly across the cityscape, giving the whole place a disjointed, unorganised feel. It was as if the city was completely unplanned and just grew, without any thought to structure or functionality. Perplexation Deux.
Perplexation Treux was earlier on in the day when I mentioned to J that the sheer amount of hotels in the city boggled my mind. The entire function of the place was eluding me. Why was it so green? Why was everything decentralised? How come it looked like no other city I've seen?
After mulling it over for most of the day, I had an epiphany and the puzzle slotted into place.

Those weren't hotels around town. They were apartment blocks, the homes of the city's residents.
Kuala Lumpur is the first city I have ever seen that was created to be lived in.

It explains the greenery (aesthetics), the decentralisation (ease of access to work and amenities), and the fact that it seemed to grow rather than be planned. Every other city I've seen has had an "urban" feel to it, function over form. KL works both ways; form and function. The architecture isn't jarring and square, it's got a natural flow to it, especially the high rises. It all just works together in harmonious collusion, as Drew would say. I wonder whether this was planned, or whether it was subconscious and a natural cultural progression? Someone who is a geographer please answer my quandry.

I just wanted to share that with ya'll, cos it blew my mind. It's not often I get to experience something brand shiny new, and KL just took the cake with "First City Designed To Be Lived In, Not Just Worked In" I've ever seen. I've got the warm and fuzzies.

Tomorrow we're seeing more of KL (thought it'd be boring, how wrong was I!), and then we're catching an overnight train down to Singapore! It's gonna be awesome. A wee bit expensive, but Awesome nevertheless. Awesome with a capital A.

Milo The All Conquering

So we sit down for dinner tonight and on the menu there's a list of Milo drinks available. That's a bit odd we say. Later in the night Jono and I are looking up Malaysia info since, you know, we know nothing about the country when we come upon this:

Other popular nonalcoholic options include the chocolate drink Milo and lime juice (limau).

What?! Since when is Milo exported. Wikipedia-ing that stuff reveals:

Milo is an Australian-made milk beverage with chocolate and malt, produced by Nestlé. Milo is also manufactured in other countries, including Singapore, Philippines, New Zealand, India, South Africa, Jamaica, Japan, Chile, Thailand, Malaysia, Kenya, Syria and Ghana.

AND GHANA!!!! What the hell. Traveling to this foreign country has just shattered all my illusions about the great drink Milo. Theres more:

Milo is very popular in Malaysia, where the brand name is synonymous with chocolate flavoured drinks. Milo manufactured in Malaysia is made to dissolve well in hot water to produce a smooth hot chocolate drink, or with ice added for a cold drink. Milo in Malaysia is served in kopitiams and mamak stalls offering versions such as "Milo Dinosaur" (a cup of milo with an extra spoonful of powdered undissolved Milo added to it), "Milo Godzilla" (a cup of Milo with ice cream and/or whipped cream on top of it)

One can order Milo in Singapore or Malaysia's Kopi tiams by placing an order for "Kick Ball" using the Hokkien language, referring to the fact that the company has been sponsoring soccer events

And my favourite:

Milo is also a famous beverage in Indian Muslim stalls, or fondly known as Mamak stalls in Malaysia. It is also sometimes used as an alternative to jam and put in bread or also as an ingredient in Roti Canai.

JAM??!?!? Oh my god. Forget Vegemite and Tim-Tams, Milo is the real Aussie brand conquering the planet. I cannot wait to go to an Indian restaruant and have Milo on my naan bread, or order a Milo GODZILLA. I love travelling.

EDIT: Jono pointed out something I missed:

Malaysia consumes 90% of worldwide consumption of Milo.

90%!?!?!?!?!?!;oh'hs;iha;ljhob. Oh. my. god. Who would've thought.

Random Facts

Hey Hey,

So yeah we're in Malaysia at the moment. A country we didn't plan on coming to and had/have absolutely no knowledge about. Funny how travel works out. We've just had 3 solid days on a collection of ferries, buses and trains going from the Gulf of Thailand to near Kuala Lumpur and we're wrecked. So as downtime I figured I'd finally post a list of random facts and reflections I put together to send as a Christmas card thing, got to lazy, then figured I'd send it for New Years, then got to drunk. Enjoy!

Best Moment In Thailand: In Ayuthya we met a Thai named Pui. Lovely dude, I was convinced (and still am) that he was a goddamn serial killer who preyed on backpackers (Jono says he was just lonely). He took us out on the town on a Sunday for the authentic Thai experience. After dinner and several beers, we went to a random Thai nightclub slightly outside of town. Live bands, hot women, two bottles of whiskey, and three Australian guys who hadn't showered that day, hadn't shaved in a week, were wearing the same clothes as the day before, and were just generally bogans getting drunker. The music was FANTASTIC and I think we were so goddamn surprising to the Thais that they didn't care we looked like hobos. They even danced with us and posed for photos. And we didn't get eaten or end up in Pui's freezer with his parents! Awesome night.

Worst Moment in Thailand: We had to catch a ferry from mainland Thailand to Ko Tao in the Gulf. The seas were massive and I was sicked before I jumped on the boat and stood at the bow getting saturated. So by halfway through I was soaked, freezing, tired, and so sick that I eventually passed out in the toilet. Not my finest day.

Most Surprising Moment: The second night of our trek in the north of the country we stayed at a cosy little tribal village in the mountains. We spent the whole evening and night playing with the insanely cute village kids, drank a cartoon of beer, and chewed down 4 hour old cow meat.

Random Things:
- there are no bins in Thailand and Thais throw trash everywhere, yet the streets are insanely free from rubish. Where does it go?

- Our second night in the country, on the Khao San during the Kings Birthday celebrations, I gave a 500 baht note (about $16) to a random old lady street hawker because her outfit made her look like a colourful Aztec lady. Yes I was drunk at the time.

- We've eaten the lungs/ear/ocsaphagus/rump/rib of a 4 hour dead cow and cooked by proper Thai villages. It was a once in a year event apperantly. The meat was rrrannncid until you dosed it with seasoning. Ear was very chewy and I enjoyed the lung and ocsaphagus. The meat was also as fresh as you can get. The dude literally went off, cut it off the dead cow and brought it back and cooked it within about an hour.

- At a night market in Ayuthaya we were sitting down eating coconut icecream (mmmmm) when we had a baby elephant (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) come up and trumpet at us for a pat. We paid his handlers a buck each for some sugar cane to feed it.

- We have so far: riden elephants, patted tigers, and stared at monkeys. Strangely they were all slightly disappointing in some way.

- For New Years we each got a phat bucket of alcohol to drink and then shared a MEGAbucket before Jono drank the whole thing and was wretchedly sick the next 24 hours.

There's more but I left the rest of the list in the room and I'm to lazy to grab it. So enjoy kiddies, next few posts from Kuala Lumpur and Singapore.

Selamat Datang

10.30pm
Kota Bharu, Malaysia

See that? See how the country doesn't say Thailand anymore? Ain't it nifty? :D We arrived this afternoon. But to backtrack..

We fandangled our ferry boat and a bus from Ko Tao to Surat Thani, and from there caught a bus down to Hat Yai.

Bugger. Me. The entry from my journal on the bus ride from Surat Thani to Hat Yai:

"We arrived cramped, squashed, sweaty, deaf, and near catatonic after a 5 1/2 hour bus ride in one of the worst buses ever. It wasn't the seating (which was admittedly cramped), or the aircon (intermittent), or the stares of the local Thais at the farang (constant). It was the goddamn MUSIC! Our bus conductor must have a hidden (or not so hidden, as the case may be) sadistic streak.
Let me set the background. Local Thai buses all have sound systems installed to play music to entertain the passengers. Actually, I lie. That should really read
"Local Thai buses all have sound systems installed to TORMENT and DESTROY the souls of anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot of the most horrible and downright godawful local Thai music known to man. It's specifically designed to pacify it's listeners and lull them into bleary eyed catatonic states, whereupon the 'conductor' (a vampire in disguise) comes along and sucks out the unfortunate traveller's souls via their now ripped and shredded ear drums".
If you listen to it, you...you just can't be held responsible for what you're gonna do to people! They're ALL soppy / suicidal Thai pop love songs. I really don't think they have any other music. And the locals just sit there and take it! If we had to put up with that shit in Oz, the country would be on fire and the universe would shed tears in just under 6.2 minutes.
And then we'd unleash Kylie Minogue and Kasey Chambers to duet and ultimately destroy the world, thereby heralding Ragnarok, Armageddon, AND the End Times.
The music is that bad. I shit you not.

+

Rantings of madmen aside, we found ourselves back on familiary territory in Hat Yai. We were stuck in the heart of a random Thai city surrounded by the lives, smells, and sounds of the locals. I'd almost forgotten what it was like.

I love it to bits.

Today we managed to pull the wool over Thailand's eyes and escape across the border unharmed into Malaysia. We caught a train to Sungai Kolok, 1km from the border. Then we just walked across the bridge, filled in a few forms on the way, and we were in Malaysia. Kinda hard to comprehend how easy it was, but now we're in our second country. They speak Malay Bahasa here, a language very similar to Bahasa Indonesian, meaning J and I can actually speak a bit of the lingo. Terima Kasih primary school Indonesian lessons! (or, as Drew likes to remember it, to ream my car seat).

Tomorrow we're off on a 15 hour slow train through the middle of Taman Negara, a 131 square kilometre national park. Jungle, jungle, as far as the eye can see. Thus the name: jungle train. It's gonna be awesome! We'll be ratshit by the end; we're going from Wakaf Bharu (the next town over from here) down to Gamas in the south, near Kuala Lumpur. Almost the entire country!

I'd put up some notes on Malaysia, but J has a post coming about the J & D New Years Experience, so I'll save your eyes some strain.

WELCOME to the FUTURE!

Where are the flying cars, I ask? Maybe they don't have flying cars in Thailand. Someone at home should tell me if you have flying cars. Are they solar powered? I imagine they would be, being futuristic cars and all. More importantly, do they have cup holders?

Futuristic musings aside, I hope everyone had a spiflicating New Years! We gave a few lucky people a call around 11pm AEST, so I hope they appreciate our gesture of good will! You were all sloshed though, which was excellent to hear. You made us proud.

We found accommodation just after my previous post at a place called Leela Beach Bungalows, just around the point away from Hat Rin. 900baht a night for yet another shanty, but this one wins hands down. It doesn't have a sink, a toilet lid, or a shower with any discernible water pressure. On the plus side, we're a short 10 minute walk (up a freakin' huge hill) from Hat Rin, and we're right on the bay. Sunsets have been stunning, I gotta say.

We've just been chillin' and lazin' around, waiting for last night. And then New Years Eve was upon us. We kicked off the festivities by watching sunset over the bay and contemplating the year that was. We drank some Moet Chandon minibottles that I've been carrying around since we left Oz, chilled inside the bucket we bought on Ko Tao. We've named the bucket Doug, and he speaks in a British accent, likes to eat Oreos, and is fond of using the word 'chilly willy'. We had a scare two days ago when we were afraid we'd lost him, but he was just hiding. Cheeky sod.

After the champers, we went off for dindins, then chilled in a little bar having cocktails to kill time. It was here we found out about this, but don't worry. We've done some asking around, and if you apply some logical thinking you realise that we're not in any danger. The targets weren't foreigners, so we assume it's a local issue related to Thaksin and the coup. So never fear for our bodies, though you might want to spare a prayer for our livers.

After dinner we made those phone calls, and then went and found some minibuckets to start the party proper. We spotted a MEGABUCKET!! at this point, and at 11.50pm we sent Jono off on a mission to buy one before midnight. We rang in the New Year with a crowd of a billion people crammed onto Hat Rin beach at what was quite possibly the largest rave party I have ever seen. Sadly there was no co-ordination or countdown, so the New Year came...and went. A lot of fireworks though. Drew and I decided to start our own countdown and ring in the New Year Wanglor style...we wanged that beach like it's never been wanged before.

At this point I got rather antsy, keen to get into it. I gave the room key to D and J and dashed off into the crowd to party on, ne'r to be seen again. At least until the next morning.

We leave Ko Tao tomorrow, catching a boat and a bus to Surat Thani on our long trip down into Malaysia. New Years was an excellent experience here in Thailand, and I recommend it for anyone at least once. Though the same club/party music is played the world over, so practice your moves before you come and you'll be fine.

Here's some more notes on Thailand, courtesy of Jono.

• You shouldn't come here if you're very attached to being clean. I pretty much live in filth. Whether it's used dirty toilet paper in a plastic bag in the bathroom for a week, walking through filthy public toilets barefoot (coz you have to take your shoes off indoors), having bugs crawl all over you at night, or wearing dirty underwear for days on end, travelling through Thailand is not a hygienic experience. Come to think of it though, many of the things I just mentioned are a result of us being cheap and lazy. If you're willing to fork out for more upmarket accommodation, you can probably avoid such things. (J and D love the fact we can't flush toilet paper. Honest, they do.)
  
• Thai accommodation can be dodgy. For example, if they say the room comes with a shower or fan or air con, that's exactly what they mean. They're not saying that any of those facilities actually work. A number of times we've had to do stuff like have a sweaty night sleep under a busted air conditioner, or shower while crouching next to the toilet using one of those squirt guns they use to wipe their butts (that's called a bidet, J). In the place we're staying at the moment, Adam had to do some minor plumbing to fix the toilet upon our arrival, haha. (first time we get a flush toilet and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna have it flush when I want it to!)
  
• Thais don't believe in customer service. In some places you get very good professional service, but most of the time, it's hit and miss whether you'll get what you order. (you could order a burger, and end up getting pad thai. I love this country) Also, most of the time, meals don't come out at anywhere near the same time so usually someone ends up waiting after they've finished their meal for the meal of their companion to arrive. Also, you frequently have stuff randomly arrive at your table that you didn't order. For example, you may be sitting there munching on your meal when a bowl of fruit and yoghurt or a can of coke just gets put on your table. Sometimes it turns up on your bill, sometimes it doesn't. It never bothers us coz we're always hungry, and the extra thing that arrives only costs an extra dollar or something anyway, lets face it :)

Wise words from our own miniature hairy Buddha. I'm going to go find some ice cream now. It's one of life's little pleasures in the middle of the tropics!