Tubing

Vang Vieng, Laos

First off: tubing. It was everything we had ever hoped it could be and more. Except for the end, but I'll get to that.

We rented our tubes and a waterproof bag, then jumped into a tuktuk with five other Aussies; all from Melbourne. They'd flown the new Jetstar line to Bangkok, and paid AUD$400. Bastards.
At the river, we just plopped into our tubes and began floating along on the current. The first riverside bar was 100m down the river, so naturally we stopped and bought a Beer Lao. I took the ingenius prior planning step of buying an umbrella to keep the sun off me, so picture a man in a wife beater, boardies, beer in hand, and the handle of an umbrella being held by his crotch while floating down a river in a giant inner tube, and you kind of get the picture. Drew was wearing Phong, his Vietnamese rice paddy hat. We had a moment when we looked around, saw the mountains in the distance, realised we were floating on a river in the middle of Laos with a beer, and one of the bars was pumping out Boney M. As that bar's noise faded away in the distance, I heard the riff from "Rasputin" playing. The blokes that went camping with us at Ballina in Feb 04 will understand how fitting that was!

Eventually the four of us pulled into a large party area type thing that had terraced bamboo decks looking over the river, with volleyball courts, rattan, food, beers, buckets...and at one end an old tree, at the top of which was a giant goddamn trapeze swing. You climb up there, grab a hold of the bar, let go of your inhibitions and your footing, and swing out over the river and then let go.

Naturally, I had to do it.

So there I am, 2 1/2 tallies of dutch courage in my guts, staring down at the miniaturised versions of my friends and that big expanse of water, holding on for dear life to this rail thin bar attached to a wire, absolutely crapping my daks...and then I jumped off.

I screamed holy shit the entire way down. I swung down towards the water, then back up the other side, and at the apex I let go. Apparently I maintained the whole leaning forward angled slant the entire way, including my entrance into the water. So naturally, what hits first on an angle like that? The furtherest part out from the front of your body.

I don't think my balls will ever forgive me.

I limped away from that one, both sore and soaring. Another fear confronted; that of falling with no control from a great height. I did the jump three more times. Drew had a sore neck from the rock-hard pillows we're sleeping on, so he piked, and the girls were wimps.

We left there at 3pm, and pulled into another bar for more drinks. This is where it went skewiff. Alli had too much booze, and started zoning in and out. It was starting to get dark, so we couldn't keep tubing down the river. We had to tuktuk it back to town with six stoned and drunk Americans, and one severely annoying Pom. Two metres into the trip back, the tuktuk breaks down.
We were going to walk, then the mechanics showed up. We were all cold and disgruntled. An hour later we eventually get into town, say a few choice words to the organisers, and head back to shower. To get over the shitty end to an otherwise excellent day (a goddamn SWING man, a SWING!!), we had dinner then got shitcanned and danced at the Island/Smile Bar. The sad thing was, we were 50,000kms from home and we're singing along to the Proclaimers "500 Miles".

Drew is off bicycling around town today, and I'm taking a chill day and just wandering around Vang Vieng. It's a very small town, and it isn't what I expected. I was picturing a repeat of Ko Phang Ngan or Khao San Road. Instead we get a chilled out version of each, minus the overt commercialisation, touts, gaudy neon signs, and loud music. Instead we have Jack Johnson, fairy lights, afghan style cushion tables, and the ever present wafting smell of incense and weed. Imagine Nimbin with a fuckoff shiny river beside it, and you have Vang Vieng. If the place was in a Western country it'd be hippy central; its definitely designed for those looking for an artificial form of chilled-out-ness. (That means stoners, by the way).

Never fear though, our drug of choice has and always will be alcohol, so we're putting a dint in the local Beer Lao supply. $1.20 for a 700ml tallie. The price isn't as good as Thailand, but its getting there. I still miss bia hoi.

We're going tubing again tomorrow, but this time we're starting earlier so we have more time and can get back before the 6pm 'deadline'. My AUD$3 brolly will be getting a workout this trip!

Drew learning the finer points of bicycle riding.